I am no hypocrite. Hell, I used to be a mooch myself. I take no pride in it.
In the past, I was a human sponge, unashamedly living off the good graces and spare finances of friends and relatives.
However, I am long reformed. So, when I say I avoid people who habitually ask me for money, its because I’ve learned from my mistakes.
I am not financially responsible for friends and relatives who can’t or wont take care of themselves.
Remember, I am speaking from experience.
In recent months, I had to cut a girlfriend and a former close friend out of my life.
I feel bad about it to a degree. However, I was losing money by being too nice and acquiescing to their entitled beliefs that I owed them money because I could spare it.
I think I felt guilty because I remember using such techniques on people I cared for.
No Time for Entitlement
I had a movie date and several lunches with a very nice woman who suddenly decided I had to give her every spare dollar I had to help her with her finances.
Not a gold digger – in my case, she would have to be a gold dust digger. No, a very nice woman who was down on her luck.
I’ve been there.
Needless to say, it was a short-lived relationship.
Recently, I had to stop hanging out with a friend who was in the bad habit of asking me for money because he was down on his luck too.
He annoyed me more. A good guy, but, he’s a grown man like me. I have my own problems. My own ambitions.
It’s not that I am unsympathetic.
But if I gave every cent I have to everyone I knew, I would have nothing.
Believe me, my rent manager doesn’t give a damn how altruistic I am. That knowledge is no alternative to paying my bills.
I know I did the right thing, cutting these people out of my life.
Because I imagine the reaction of the friends and relatives to who I did the same exact thing to.
Over a decade ago, I was divorced, homeless, penniless, and lost in life.
Only Responsible for my own Financial Well-being
It’s only in recent years that I even really thought about how painful it must have been for my friends and my own blood to convince that I needed to take full financial responsibility for my own life.
I was so entitled. These are my friends and my relatives. Why shouldn’t they help me if they could?
That used to be my mindset.
I see that very same attitude and entitlement in the people I recently cut out of my life.
When I was a kid, one of my favorite rap groups was the Pharcyde. In the song, “Running,” about immature kids running away from their problems, rapper Slim Kid 3 sang, “Can’t depend on friends to help you in a squeeze, please, they got problems of their own.”
I can’t help thinking I sound cruel as I write this.
It isn’t my intent.
Adults must help themselves.
Its fine to help people trying to help themselves.
But people in my life constantly begging me for money only reminds me of the way I used to be.
I can’t make time for that.
I am grateful for the people who helped me when I was down long ago. But I took advantage of their good graces. They should have cut me off.
I financially drained and stressed a lot of people close to me, back then. Its why I appreciate every penny I save now.
I hope the people I cut from my life learn that for themselves.
I can’t change them. We all find enlightenment, especially when it comes financial responsibility, on our own life timetables.
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Allen Francis was an academic advisor, librarian, and college adjunct for many years with no money, no financial literacy, and no responsibility when he had money. To him, the phrase “personal finance,” contains the power that anyone has to grow their own wealth. Allen is an advocate of best personal financial practices including focusing on your needs instead of your wants, asking for help when you need it, saving and investing in your own small business.