It isn’t a lack of love that causes divorce. It’s usually a lack of communication and trust. Good marriages require honesty. Still, a married person can feel like their identity is evolving. Or, being lost. Does it shatter the ego to go from being an individual with private finances to consulting a spouse about earnings, savings or spending habits? Is there a maximum amount to spend secretly when it comes to money?
Is it OK to keep secrets about money in a marriage?
The problem is that little white lies eventually transform and expand into black holes for honesty.
It’s called financial infidelity. It’s a practice that inherently calls for perfecting and remembering lies.
Or, remembering to omit information so as not to be accused of being a liar later.
It can start innocently then become a problem too big to hide.
For example, lying about a clandestine $100 bank account can lead to hiding more money, assets, or property from a spouse.
What is the maximum amount to spend individually unbeknownst to your partner?
That depends on how the finances in your marriage are maintained.
If you’re sharing a joint account, clandestinely spending money won’t be a secret forever.
Before touching on that answer, its important to understand there’s no easy answer.
And there are consequences for choosing an amount, an amount to spend unknown to your spouse, that works for you.
These include:
- Divorce
- Violation of spousal consent laws
- Violation of community laws
Discerning a Maximum Amount to Spend With Consulting Your Partner is Not Recommended
I don’t recommend that you hide money from your partner or spouse.
The legal consequences can be incalculable relative to your personal circumstances when you’re caught.
There are no legal directives recommending such amounts that I can cite to you (I looked).
However, as a thought experiment, let’s think about what the maximum amount to spend without consulting your significant other should be.
The NBC/Today Show conducted an unscientific survey on the topic years ago.
It found that 36% of Americans think the maximum amount to spend without consulting a partner ranges between $50 to $100.
In other words, the maximum amount to spend unbeknownst to your partner depends on how much they trust you.
And, how much you think you can get away with spending without being caught.
This isn’t a good skill to perfect in a marriage.
The longer that you hide money, no matter the amount, the eventual impact of emotional betrayal will seem greater upon discovery.
After all, if you can get away with taking an inch now, why not take a mile the next time?
If you know your partner, and what they will or won’t miss when reviewing shared accounts, you can problem hide money well.
Here’s why you shouldn’t.
Divorce
Money is not the root of all evil. It’s the love of money which is the root of that sin.
That’s the thing about financial infidelity – it shows your partner who you potentially love more.
Trying to decide the maximum amount to spend without consulting your partner is fine if you don’t get caught.
Over 17 million people lost their jobs during the coronavirus. Money is tight everywhere now.
Your partner might not be understanding if you get caught.
The average salary is only $48,600. Plus, the average person owes about $38,000 in personal debt.
Trying to decide on your own the maximum amount to spend of your own money, unbeknownst to a partner, could be the breaking point in a marriage upon discovery.
You may not think it won’t cost you much to hide $100, but it could in the long run.
It costs about $15,000 per person on the average just to cover the legal costs of divorce.
Violation of Spousal Consent Laws
There might be a good reason why people try to hide $100 or less from their partners – spousal consent laws.
In many states one spouse can’t make significant transactions or take out a loan without the written consent of the other spouse.
Violation of Community Property Laws
In a community property state, all monies, properties, and assets acquired throughout the marriage are considered equally owned by both spouses.
In these states, your spouse can legally take half of everything you own after divorce.
If one spouse dies with significant debt, the debt will be wholly assumed by the surviving spouse.
Even if the surviving spouse didn’t create the debt.
It’s a moot exercise trying to determine the maximum amount to spend without consulting a spouse in a community property state.
After all, half of the money you’re trying to hide belongs to your partner anyway.
There are 10 community property states:
- Alaska (opt-in legal clause)
- Arizona
- California
- Idaho
- Louisiana
- Nevada
- New Mexico
- Texas
- Washington
- Wisconsin
How to Detect Financial Infidelity
Caution is advised if you’re trying to decide the maximum amount to spend without your spouse knowing.
Such ambition is predicated on the notion that you’re cleverer than your spouse.
Never assume.
Here’s how to know if your spouse is hiding money:
- Finding discrepancies in joint tax return statements
- Financial agencies or loan officers contacting the wrong spouse
- One spouse acting anxious or nervous in certain spots in the house, a dead giveaway of nearby hidden money caches
- Inexplicable deflections or changing of the subject whenever money is mentioned
You can probably get away with financial infidelity. Perhaps for even a long time.
Just ask yourself if it will be worth it in the long run.
If this is your mindset, it may be time to reassess your marital situation.
Especially if you feel a perpetual need to hide money and transact in the shadows to feel like an individual.
Read More
BEST LOAN OPTIONS TO HELP GET THROUGH COVID-19
CUTTING DOWN ON TAKE OUT DUE TO COVID-19 (AND SAVING MORE $)
COVID-19 PANIC BUYING WASTES MONEY AND TIME – I PLAN AHEAD
I AVOID PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS ASK TO BORROW MONEY
HOW ROBO ADVISORS HELP MANAGE YOUR INVESTMENTS
Allen Francis was an academic advisor, librarian, and college adjunct for many years with no money, no financial literacy, and no responsibility when he had money. To him, the phrase “personal finance,” contains the power that anyone has to grow their own wealth. Allen is an advocate of best personal financial practices including focusing on your needs instead of your wants, asking for help when you need it, saving and investing in your own small business.