While “wrong” can be subjective and depend on context, some traditional messages passed down to children might inadvertently limit their thinking or create biases. Here are 19 things to consider reframing in a more empowering and inclusive way:
Boys Don’t Cry/Girls Are Always Emotional
Both genders experience a range of emotions, and suppressing them can be unhealthy. Encourage open expression of feelings in supportive ways. These messages perpetuate unfair and outdated gender stereotypes that limit emotional expression for boys and invalidate girls’ experiences. It implies that boys are weak or robotic if they show emotions, while girls are overly sensitive or irrational.
Always Be Polite, Even to Unkind People
Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-respect is crucial. Teach children to be assertive and walk away from negativity when needed. It’s understandable and healthy to distance ourselves from those who behave unkindly. Teaching absolute politeness might prevent children from setting boundaries and protecting themselves from emotional harm.
Don’t Be Selfish, Always Share
Sharing is lovely, but personal boundaries are essential, too. Teach children the concept of consent and respecting their own and others’ belongings. Sharing teaches children to consider others’ needs and feelings, promoting empathy and understanding. It also allows them to practice social skills like collaboration and compromise.
Study Hard to Get a Good Job
While education is valuable, there are other paths to success. Encourage exploration of diverse interests and passions and emphasize transferable skills like critical thinking and problem-solving.
Follow the Rules, Always Obey the Authority
Questioning and critical thinking are essential life skills. Teach children to inquire about rules and understand the reasoning behind them respectfully. Unquestioning obedience can suppress children’s natural curiosity and critical thinking skills. They may need to learn why rules exist, hindering their ability to independently make informed decisions and discern right from wrong.
Don’t Talk to Strangers
While stranger danger is essential, teach children open communication skills and how to identify safe adults to turn to if needed. Most children are harmed by people they know, not strangers.
Be Quiet, and Don’t Interrupt
Active listening is essential, but so is expressing oneself. Encourage respectful communication and taking turns while acknowledging everyone’s voice. Children naturally ask questions and express their curiosity. Suppressing this can hinder their development of critical thinking skills and dampen their thirst for knowledge.
Don’t Be Different, Fit In With the Crowd
Celebrating individuality and diverse perspectives is enriching. Encourage children to embrace their unique qualities and be themselves.
Work Hard to Be Successful
Hard work is admirable, but so is self-care and work-life balance. Teach children the importance of rest, recreation, and pursuing activities they enjoy. Success encompasses factors beyond hard work, like talent, luck, opportunity, and social capital. Teaching a singular path can be misleading and overlook these complex nuances.
Don’t Make Mistakes, Strive for Perfection
Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities. Foster a growth mindset where mistakes are seen as stepping stones, not failures.
Be the Best, Win at All Costs
Competition can be motivating, but emphasize good sportsmanship, teamwork, and personal growth over winning or losing. The constant pressure to be the best can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and unhealthy stress levels in children. They might prioritize winning over enjoying the process or developing their skills.
Choose Traditionally “Masculine” or “Feminine” Interests
Gender roles are often limiting stereotypes. Encourage exploration of all interests and activities, regardless of societal expectations.
Be Independent, Don’t Rely on Others
While independence is valuable, human beings are social creatures. Teach children the importance of interdependence, collaboration, and seeking help when needed. Learning to solve problems independently, set goals, and take responsibility for your actions fosters self-confidence and resilience.
Always Be Positive, Never Be Negative
Feeling a range of emotions is normal. Teach children healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with negative emotions without judgment. A positive outlook, or having a growth mindset, can help children cope with challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain a sense of well-being.
Always Be Confident, Never Doubt Yourself
Self-doubt can be a motivator for growth. Teach children to embrace challenges, learn from setbacks, and build confidence through effort and perseverance.
Don’t Question Authority, Just Obey
Critical thinking and respectful questioning are crucial life skills. Questioning authority is crucial for developing critical thinking skills and independent judgment. Blind obedience can lead to conformity, unchallenged misinformation acceptance, and manipulation vulnerability.
Be Quiet and Don’t Speak Up in Class
Sharing ideas and asking questions is how we learn. Encourage active participation in class and respectful discussions of diverse viewpoints.
Focus On Getting Good Grades, Not Learning
Grades can be a motivator, but the true purpose of education is to learn and grow. Encourage curiosity, a love of learning, and pursuing knowledge beyond grades.
Always Be Tidy and Organized, Messiness Is Bad
Different people have different organizational styles. Encourage children to find systems that work for them and respect individual preferences. Developing organizational habits involves planning, prioritizing, and taking ownership of one’s belongings. This fosters self-discipline and a sense of responsibility, essential life skills.
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